i am VIVIAN.
i study in singapore polytechnic.
i like to
DOODLED at 10:43 PMwhen i think of the exam paper tomorrow, i feel butterflies in my tummy and i want to puke all my dinner out.
this is HORRIBLE.
woohoo. a week of mountain studying has done something weird to my brain. its thinking up all sorts of nonsense.
i feel so god damn paranoid over the exams this time. seems like no matter how much i study, it feels as if i havent studied anything.
and i HAVE been studying a lot, which is saying something. everyday for the past week its been; wake up, go library study. skip breakfast, study. have lunch, study. skip dinner, study. go home study, sleep. wake up study study study. and did i mention i studied?
i couldnt even get myself to eat properly, because everytime i put down my notes, i feel like i'm wasting TIME. so i uhh, just, squeeze in some food in between studying. seriously, food has never turned me off so badly before. i look at noodles and think of stats, look at rice and think of FOM, look at vegetables and think of OM. yada yada.
but right now, ONE night before the first paper, i feel like i havent studied ANYTHING useful at all.
T_T
i just bawled. a great big bawl.
really, really worried sick. =\
saturday was a rest day. twas nainai's 70th birthday. so the entire family went to eat at Family International Seafood, a buffet restaurant at takashimaya. the food wasnt so bad, but far from pariss. AND AND! the WHOLE family turned up this time. and i mean, the whole family. everyone! so we took a rare family portrait at the restaurant.
hmm. we talked about grace's death anniversary. the adults are going to post up a remembrance on the straits times. i dont think i want that day to ever come. 1 year, and the pain still feels like yesterday. sometimes i shut my eyes, i still imagine grace taking her last breathe in pain in the ambulance. leaving in shock, leaving in pain, leaving even after all the suffering from treatment. its all so wrong.
its a constant reminder that LIFE, this four letter word, is not meant to be FAIR. its a bloody fucking tease. some stupid game to whoever's up there playing it, playing us. anyone can die, so easily. so they think; why not pluck the good ones out? if the bad people all die, there wont be no fun anymore!
so then they let an innocent, health conscious, kind hearted human die just like that.
its so much easier being angry. =)
i sat in valerie's car for the first time on sat. she drove me home, and it feels damn weird. in the car there was only me, cindy and her. she's like almost as tall as the steeering wheel only! looked like a little girl driving lah. but she got me safely home anyway. and she knows the roads pretty well!
i still cant believe she's driving already. o_0
now its time to sleep, wake up and face the nightmare tomorrow. =(
tag
DOODLED at 10:43 PMwhen i think of the exam paper tomorrow, i feel butterflies in my tummy and i want to puke all my dinner out.
this is HORRIBLE.
woohoo. a week of mountain studying has done something weird to my brain. its thinking up all sorts of nonsense.
i feel so god damn paranoid over the exams this time. seems like no matter how much i study, it feels as if i havent studied anything.
and i HAVE been studying a lot, which is saying something. everyday for the past week its been; wake up, go library study. skip breakfast, study. have lunch, study. skip dinner, study. go home study, sleep. wake up study study study. and did i mention i studied?
i couldnt even get myself to eat properly, because everytime i put down my notes, i feel like i'm wasting TIME. so i uhh, just, squeeze in some food in between studying. seriously, food has never turned me off so badly before. i look at noodles and think of stats, look at rice and think of FOM, look at vegetables and think of OM. yada yada.
but right now, ONE night before the first paper, i feel like i havent studied ANYTHING useful at all.
T_T
i just bawled. a great big bawl.
really, really worried sick. =\
saturday was a rest day. twas nainai's 70th birthday. so the entire family went to eat at Family International Seafood, a buffet restaurant at takashimaya. the food wasnt so bad, but far from pariss. AND AND! the WHOLE family turned up this time. and i mean, the whole family. everyone! so we took a rare family portrait at the restaurant.
hmm. we talked about grace's death anniversary. the adults are going to post up a remembrance on the straits times. i dont think i want that day to ever come. 1 year, and the pain still feels like yesterday. sometimes i shut my eyes, i still imagine grace taking her last breathe in pain in the ambulance. leaving in shock, leaving in pain, leaving even after all the suffering from treatment. its all so wrong.
its a constant reminder that LIFE, this four letter word, is not meant to be FAIR. its a bloody fucking tease. some stupid game to whoever's up there playing it, playing us. anyone can die, so easily. so they think; why not pluck the good ones out? if the bad people all die, there wont be no fun anymore!
so then they let an innocent, health conscious, kind hearted human die just like that.
its so much easier being angry. =)
i sat in valerie's car for the first time on sat. she drove me home, and it feels damn weird. in the car there was only me, cindy and her. she's like almost as tall as the steeering wheel only! looked like a little girl driving lah. but she got me safely home anyway. and she knows the roads pretty well!
i still cant believe she's driving already. o_0
now its time to sleep, wake up and face the nightmare tomorrow. =(