Wednesday, February 27
my results are disgusting.
this is just wrong. i studied so frigging hard. its just not fair. how can it have fallen so much?
so this is how true failure tastes like.
nothing has ever stunned me this much. feels like... a big, tight slap across my face.
what is this. this sense of loss. this... forlorn lost. i feel like i was thrown into the tossing waves of the ocean, something's grabbing at my feet, pulling me under.
this is so melodramatic, vivian. its just GPA. its just... 3.5.
but to work this hard, and in the end to get nothing and less for it; it feels horrible.
"You reap what you sow."
what a LIE.
i slept the depression away. its feels sick. bloody hell sick. i looked at my grades this morning, immediately closed it and went back to bed, hiding under the covers, hiding from reality.
and everytime i open my eyes, everytime i come back out of my vague dreams, someone's voice is there, taunting me, repeating my bloody disgusting GPA into my ears. so i tell myself to go back into the comforts of my dreams. where nothing is real.
i finally got up at 5pm to get OUT. to walk aimlessly. to immerse myself into senseless magazines. drinking green tea. feeling, amazingly, empty.
so this is how much it could impact me. putting my whole soul into a single goal, but getting nothing and less back.
its not fair.
i think i'm going back to sleep.
DOODLED at 9:24 PM
Wednesday, February 27
my results are disgusting.
this is just wrong. i studied so frigging hard. its just not fair. how can it have fallen so much?
so this is how true failure tastes like.
nothing has ever stunned me this much. feels like... a big, tight slap across my face.
what is this. this sense of loss. this... forlorn lost. i feel like i was thrown into the tossing waves of the ocean, something's grabbing at my feet, pulling me under.
this is so melodramatic, vivian. its just GPA. its just... 3.5.
but to work this hard, and in the end to get nothing and less for it; it feels horrible.
"You reap what you sow."
what a LIE.
i slept the depression away. its feels sick. bloody hell sick. i looked at my grades this morning, immediately closed it and went back to bed, hiding under the covers, hiding from reality.
and everytime i open my eyes, everytime i come back out of my vague dreams, someone's voice is there, taunting me, repeating my bloody disgusting GPA into my ears. so i tell myself to go back into the comforts of my dreams. where nothing is real.
i finally got up at 5pm to get OUT. to walk aimlessly. to immerse myself into senseless magazines. drinking green tea. feeling, amazingly, empty.
so this is how much it could impact me. putting my whole soul into a single goal, but getting nothing and less back.
its not fair.
i think i'm going back to sleep.
DOODLED at 9:24 PM
