i am VIVIAN.
i study in singapore polytechnic.
i like to
DOODLED at 9:55 PMso they're all the same.
i'm afraid of a lot of things. its called, PANTOphobia, i believe. the fear of everything. what a silly fear and i wonder which nonsensical person thought of it. nothing is part of everything, so if i'm afraid of everything, then technically, i'm afraid of nothing, too. right?
urghhh whatever.
i'm afraid of everything, i dont even mind saying i'm a coward.
speaking of cowards, i watched a show once, where the host of the show asked the live audience, "Which of you are cowards, please raise up your hands." no one raised their hands. then the host proceeded to say, "Which means, all of you ARE cowards. True cowards dont dare to raise up their hands."
well.
i'm afraid of a lot of things. i cant do so many things because i dont have courage. i dont like heights. i cant swallow pills. i'm afraid of the dark. i dont like to eat sour stuff. i dont dare to wear contact lenses. neither do i dare to trim my eyebrows because of the pain. i dont like playing SOLOs. i cant cycle. and truth be told, LO AND BEHOLD, i dont like leading either.
but people like to change these things of mine. like they see it as a problem, they could help to solve it.
they tell me, "Vivian, you can CONQUER your fear of heights! force yourself to look down. cross that bridge a million times a day. just do it. i know you can do it. you have to overcome this!"
but, why?
they tell me, "Vivian uh... wear contact lenses lah! really. you can do it de. its not painful at all... just try. just one time! i guarantee you can wear it. dont need to be scared!"
but... why?
they tell me, "go pluck your eyebrows lah vivian! its not painful. the most, only painful for first few times. after that not pain le. really. just try lah. no need to be scared."
but. WHY?
they tell me, "... just swallow the pill lah. put it at the end of your mouth, drink water, swallow! so easy. you can do it de. whats there to be scared of?? keep doing it. you'll get used to it."
but, why?
they tell me, "vivian. its really your turn to do a solo this time... seriously, why dont you try? you should! i know you're scared. everyone also will scared mah. but you must OVERCOME that, and do one solo at least!"
but.... why.
they tell me, "ahya, just cycle a bit around here, then you can do it already. it just takes some warming up. you can do it de. once u learn how to cycle, you can sure cycle de! just try a few rounds here, then we go out. come on vivian, dont like that lah, we must go cycle together!"
why oh why?
try it. try it. just try. once only. really. just once. try it. just try it once. try it try it try it try it try it try it try it TRY IT TRY IT.
bloody hell. they're all the same. everyone of them.
well, dont mind me. this... THING just struck me in the middle of nowhere today. may i ask, but whats wrong with cowards anyway? i like being a coward. i like being scared of everything, and i like doing all i can to stay inside my comfort zone, and i like doing everything i can to avoid all my fears. what the hell is wrong with that anyway? i just dont get it. really.
OR, maybe, theres just something wrong with vivian ang. maybe.
today. orchestra practice was FLOODED with people. especially woodwinds. dizi had to split into 2 rows. extremely rare sight. which was... nice. even though during combine the music we played was... HORRIBLE. but just, once in a while, when there are so many people at practice, it feels so hopeful. =)
went to watch PAYCO perform at esplanade Beautiful Sunday after practice with the lot of people. the supermario song was cute. their dachangjin was very nice. fell asleep at the last song though. dont like it. hah.
i guess certain people are just not suited to be in bb. afterall, i admit we ARENT improving much. every week, practice after practice, we're making the same mistakes. and there are so many weaker players to coach, to guide. so its natural that people of higher standards wouldnt want to stay with us. if you're climbing upwards fast, you'll just fly pass bb if theres nothing there to bind you down.
but bb isnt about being the best, it isnt about being the greatest orchestra technically, it isnt about performing magnificent, superb songs, and it isnt about showing to the public how good and fast-improving an orchestra we are.
its about the fun of playing in an orchestra, its about helping each other, its about giving all you have even if its just a little bit, its about letting also the not so "great" players have a chance at being soloists, its about a bunch of kids who love playing in an orchestra so much that they need to just have one more session every week, and its about this bunch being bonded, and being together through it all.
so, even if we have moved only one tiny step for 5 whole years of effort, it doesnt matter, because we did it all together, in tears and in cheers. =)
P.S i had to bold this because i didnt know i feel this way for BB until i wrote all that down. how therapeutic.
tag
DOODLED at 9:55 PMso they're all the same.
i'm afraid of a lot of things. its called, PANTOphobia, i believe. the fear of everything. what a silly fear and i wonder which nonsensical person thought of it. nothing is part of everything, so if i'm afraid of everything, then technically, i'm afraid of nothing, too. right?
urghhh whatever.
i'm afraid of everything, i dont even mind saying i'm a coward.
speaking of cowards, i watched a show once, where the host of the show asked the live audience, "Which of you are cowards, please raise up your hands." no one raised their hands. then the host proceeded to say, "Which means, all of you ARE cowards. True cowards dont dare to raise up their hands."
well.
i'm afraid of a lot of things. i cant do so many things because i dont have courage. i dont like heights. i cant swallow pills. i'm afraid of the dark. i dont like to eat sour stuff. i dont dare to wear contact lenses. neither do i dare to trim my eyebrows because of the pain. i dont like playing SOLOs. i cant cycle. and truth be told, LO AND BEHOLD, i dont like leading either.
but people like to change these things of mine. like they see it as a problem, they could help to solve it.
they tell me, "Vivian, you can CONQUER your fear of heights! force yourself to look down. cross that bridge a million times a day. just do it. i know you can do it. you have to overcome this!"
but, why?
they tell me, "Vivian uh... wear contact lenses lah! really. you can do it de. its not painful at all... just try. just one time! i guarantee you can wear it. dont need to be scared!"
but... why?
they tell me, "go pluck your eyebrows lah vivian! its not painful. the most, only painful for first few times. after that not pain le. really. just try lah. no need to be scared."
but. WHY?
they tell me, "... just swallow the pill lah. put it at the end of your mouth, drink water, swallow! so easy. you can do it de. whats there to be scared of?? keep doing it. you'll get used to it."
but, why?
they tell me, "vivian. its really your turn to do a solo this time... seriously, why dont you try? you should! i know you're scared. everyone also will scared mah. but you must OVERCOME that, and do one solo at least!"
but.... why.
they tell me, "ahya, just cycle a bit around here, then you can do it already. it just takes some warming up. you can do it de. once u learn how to cycle, you can sure cycle de! just try a few rounds here, then we go out. come on vivian, dont like that lah, we must go cycle together!"
why oh why?
try it. try it. just try. once only. really. just once. try it. just try it once. try it try it try it try it try it try it try it TRY IT TRY IT.
bloody hell. they're all the same. everyone of them.
well, dont mind me. this... THING just struck me in the middle of nowhere today. may i ask, but whats wrong with cowards anyway? i like being a coward. i like being scared of everything, and i like doing all i can to stay inside my comfort zone, and i like doing everything i can to avoid all my fears. what the hell is wrong with that anyway? i just dont get it. really.
OR, maybe, theres just something wrong with vivian ang. maybe.
today. orchestra practice was FLOODED with people. especially woodwinds. dizi had to split into 2 rows. extremely rare sight. which was... nice. even though during combine the music we played was... HORRIBLE. but just, once in a while, when there are so many people at practice, it feels so hopeful. =)
went to watch PAYCO perform at esplanade Beautiful Sunday after practice with the lot of people. the supermario song was cute. their dachangjin was very nice. fell asleep at the last song though. dont like it. hah.
i guess certain people are just not suited to be in bb. afterall, i admit we ARENT improving much. every week, practice after practice, we're making the same mistakes. and there are so many weaker players to coach, to guide. so its natural that people of higher standards wouldnt want to stay with us. if you're climbing upwards fast, you'll just fly pass bb if theres nothing there to bind you down.
but bb isnt about being the best, it isnt about being the greatest orchestra technically, it isnt about performing magnificent, superb songs, and it isnt about showing to the public how good and fast-improving an orchestra we are.
its about the fun of playing in an orchestra, its about helping each other, its about giving all you have even if its just a little bit, its about letting also the not so "great" players have a chance at being soloists, its about a bunch of kids who love playing in an orchestra so much that they need to just have one more session every week, and its about this bunch being bonded, and being together through it all.
so, even if we have moved only one tiny step for 5 whole years of effort, it doesnt matter, because we did it all together, in tears and in cheers. =)
P.S i had to bold this because i didnt know i feel this way for BB until i wrote all that down. how therapeutic.